Soulmate Illusion?

Everyone is alone, whether you enjoy multiple relationships or are monogamous. The big difference to me how modern people act in relationships. While we have much more freedom and more communication than in the near past, we are more passive in making these relationships work.

We find someone, we engage, we find problems, we feel demystified and letdown my reality, we pull out and move one.

We experience our lovers as if we are each movie patrons, the relationship either pleases us or doesn't. We are not actively making the plot better, just judging it, as if we expect magic.

But good relationships are not just chemistry and magic and we can't expect to find soulmates without the belief and need to have them.

If you don't believe in a soulmate, if you don't believe in one person satisfying your need for connection and intimacy, and if you don't actively work with that person to keep that, I don't think it's very possible to find one.

I have been alone for 2 years after a love affair that shook me deeply. She was my soulmate, the chemistry was effortless, but the rest was not easy. We didn't make it, but not because we failed to deeply love each other.

I have found someone new. We have a very deep connection. I can tell you that logistically, if we end up together it will be because we made it work. It will be a hard job to accomplish, but it will be satisfying.